


TS Assorted Angst

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family Feels, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot Collection, Other, Prompt Fic, Should be a tag, Suicidal Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Tumblr Prompt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and also, momceit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28540089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: Angst prompts! Please provide some, if you want. I'll do any ship except r*mr*m, any side including c!thomas, Emile, and Remy, and any subject except u!sides.UPDATE: this fic is currently on hiatus. you can still leave prompts if you like, but i can't guarantee we'll get to them. thanks for your patience!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 13
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> -"you can talk to me about anything"  
> -"I'll stay with you as long as you need me to"  
> -"take a deep breath"  
> -"do you want me to give you advice or do you just want me to listen?"  
> -"you don't have to go through this alone"  
> -"I'll check on you again tomorrow"  
> -"you're not broken"  
> -"let's take a five minute break"  
> -"I love you no matter what your brain tells you"  
> -"please don't talk that way about yourself"  
> -"I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does"  
> -"do you want to talk about it or would you like a distraction?"  
> "you're safe"  
> -"there is always hope"  
> -“Take my hand. Just trust me.”  
> -“You’re hurt. Please just let heal it.”  
> -“At least let me clean it.”  
> -“I told you to take care of yourself.”  
> -“Stay.”  
> -“I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”  
> -“You started drinking again, didn’t you?”  
> -“You promised you’d stop drinking.” “And you promised you wouldn’t hurt me!″  
> -“But it’s my fault right?”  
> -“I don’t want to feel this. I want to be numb again.”  
> -“You’re lying to me again. Why can’t you just tell me the truth for once?”  
> -“I love you.” “No you don’t”  
> -“I can’t lose you.” “You already did.”  
> -“Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?”  
> -“How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?"  
> -“Maybe they were right, you never did change.”  
> -“This is all in my head. It’s all happening in my head.”  
> -“Don’t you dare walk away from this!”  
> -“What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused.”  
> -“You’ve changed.”  
> -“You win, happy?”  
> -“Any other lies left to tell me?"  
> -“Don’t look at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like you still love me.”  
> -“When did you stop loving me?”  
> -“Let me go.”  
> -“You’re not you.”  
> -“I miss the old you.”  
> -“What happened to their happily ever after?” -“Not all love stories get a happily ever after, sometimes it’s just once upon a time.”  
> -“Move out of my way before I make you.”  
> -“You deserve better.”  
> -“I risked my life for you.”  
> -“I would’ve done anything for you.”  
> -“I loved you. I loved you so so much but you hurt me.”  
> -“They warned me about this.” “About what?” “You.”  
> -“Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.”  
> -“You broke me.”  
> -“You just threw four years of friendship out the window.”  
> -“Hasn’t this addiction done enough damage already?”  
> -“Sorry doesn’t fix everything.”  
> -“You promised.”  
> -“I don’t need help! I need an end to this pain.”  
> -“What am I in your life? Because as of lately I feel as though I’ve been nothing to you.”  
> -“Leave.”  
> -“I can’t keep playing pretend.”  
> -“You deserve so much better.”  
> -“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”  
> -“I wish we never met.”  
> -“I’m sorry I’m not enough for you.”

You can put/ask for prompts on any chapter, but this one would be preferred! Trigger warnings will be included at the beginning of each chapter.

Repeats are allowed, if you want them!


	2. everybody's scared so dance in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't need help, I need an end to this pain", w/ Thvi? (C!!ThomasxVirgil)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw s*rry, suicide, misuse of medications, panic attacks (from an external perspective)

Thomas wasn't worried.

That in and of itself was a concern. It didn't feel like Virgil was missing, not like when he'd ducked out, but there was something very, very wrong. He should have been worried! They had been accepted to audition for a really, _really_ important role that Thomas _really_ wanted! Roman was elating, Patton hugging Coco and smiling genuinely, Logan already working out a rehearsal schedule- but Virgil was missing.

He should have been at the forefront. Normally Thomas would be incapable of hearing anyone _else_!

Yet he wasn't there.

"Guys? Where's Virgil?"

The sides blinked, pausing in their respective pursuits. "He said he wanted some time alone," Patton said, with an expression approaching that of the }: emoticon. "But he should be here now, this is big!"

Roman shrugged, clearly trying to banish worry from his own expression. "Oh, I'm sure our beloved emo nightmare is just fine! He'd only be freaking out if he were here anyway."

"Exactly," pointed out Logan. "It is his job to be 'freaking out' at the moment, as you put it so equolently, Roman. Virgil is not the type to ignore his job- if anything, he takes it as seriously as Janus or even me. It is quite unusual that he isn't here right now." Logan turned to Thomas. "Thomas, perhaps you should try summoning him?"

Nodding rapidly, Thomas concentrated. _Virgil_?

Nothing. It felt like he was shouting through a locked door.

He tried again, tugging as hard as he could at the metaphorical doorknob, teeth clenched. A smell like salt and blood filled the air.

A small cloud of black and purple poofed over the coffee table, and when it drifted away, a small slip of folded paper rested there. 

**_ Virgil?! _ **

  
Roman batted Logan' hand out of the way to grab the paper.

* * *

_If you're reading this, I gave in._

* * *

Roman dropped the page like it had burned him, and Thomas snatched it up.

* * *

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't be enough. But I can't take this anymore._

_It's not your fault._

* * *

Thomas didn't wait for the others. With all the panic and pain and terror rushing through him, it was pretty easy to sink into Virgil's room. 

"Virgil!" he cried out, ignoring the shadowed decorations (not a web out of place) in search of the shadowed side.

He found him curled up against the stairs, hands over his head, a bottle of Thomas' anxiety meds lying open on the floor, pills spilling outwards. Virgil didn't seem to notice. 

"Virgil," Thomas repeated, crouching next to the side, who paused in his rocking to look up at Thomas with bleary, tear-filled eyes only when Thomas reached out to carefully retrieve the discarded bottle of meds. "Thomas?" he murmured, eyes dull. 

"Yeah Vee, it's me."

At that, Virgil seemed to panic, scooting backwards, head and back hitting the railing with what had to be a painful motion. "No! Nononono, you can't be here!"

"I'm here, Virgil, I promise, I'm here for you."

"No!!! It's not safe here!!! _I'm_ not safe!!"

Thomas reached out desperately, but Virgil flinched away and he stopped. "Virgil, I promise it'll be alright. _I'll_ be alright. I'm safe. Because of you! You keep me safe! It's okay, I promise."

Virgil only whimpered, shutting his eyes again. 

Thomas kept his distance, but extended a hand, in case Virgil wanted the contact. "Come on, Virgil. Let's go back to the others. We can help you," he said, gently.

Virgil's eyes sprung open and stared directly into his. It was unsettling, but Thomas forced himself not to flinch. 

"I don't _need_ help! I need an end to this pain!" 

Tears were flowing freely now, Virgil's eyeshadow running with it.

Thomas smiled kindly, offering a hand again.

"How about both?"


	3. like fireworks we pull apart the dark, compete against the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"maybe “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.” with anxceit?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only tw is for shouting and swearing i think. oh, and _lots_ of singular exclamation marks.
> 
> title is from in the embers by sleeping at last  
> https://youtu.be/KXt4MGCgGrU

Virgil and Janus stood, facing off, at the door out of the dark side. Anger flared in Janus' eyes, coiled in Virgil's posture, burned cold in the air around them. 

"We're your family, Virgil! And you're just going to throw it all away? For what? Roman, who just **_adores_** your presence? Morality, who treats you like a _child_ and is the reason we're all _stuck_ down here?"

"I know you're fight or flight Vee, but this is extreme! All over us wanting you to take care of yourself? I thought you were better than this!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not! I'm not _like you_ Jan! Or should I say, _Deceit_ , because clearly I never knew you like I thought I did!"

"Oh, **that's fair**!" Janus cried. "That doesn't even have anything to _do_ with this!"

"Yes, it fucking does! I thought you wanted to _protect_ Thomas, to advance his interests, I thought you were on my side! We're the villains, remember? Partners in crime? Or are you better off on your own, like always‽"

"I _**don't**_ want to help Thomas! Just **not** in different ways! Please Virgil, please, come _home_." Janus was desperate now, pain seeping past the rage.

"He nearly _died_ Deceit, all because of **you!** "

Their eyes met.

Virgil's tone cooled, hate and pain entwined so tightly it was impossible for even Janus to see past. "I'm leaving." he said.

"Of course you are," Janus scoffed. "That's all you know how to do."

He regretted it instantly.

True hurt sliced through Virgil's mask, and Anxiety turned away. 

"Virgil, wait-!"

"Don't fucking call me that, _Deceit_."

And then he was gone.


	4. it's getting bad again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you're not broken with sleepxiety and suicidal ftm Virgil_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw suicidal thoughts, dysphoria, self-hatred.

Remy was at work when he got the text, helping a new hire with a more complex brew with a smile that was cut off as soon as he read the words.

**_axie-tea:_** i know you're working but

 _ **axie-tea:**_ i

 ** _axie-tea:_** i'm sorry

 ** _coffee bitch:_** virgil? are you okay? what happened?

* * *

No response.

* * *

 ** _coffee bitch:_** Virgil, I'm coming over. Do I need to call the hospital?

 ** _coffee bitch:_** if you don't answer me within 10 seconds i'll do it

 ** _axie-tea:_** i'm fine

 _ **axie-tea:**_ i just

 ** _axie-tea:_** i need you

* * *

Remy was already out the door, telling his employees that he needed to go, that he doubted he'd be back, and you'll be okay, right? 

If he weren't the owner he'd probably be in trouble.

He didn't care.

* * *

 ** _axie-tea:_** help me

* * *

Remy was so, so glad he'd taken the car today for once. He doubted he'd get far on his usual motorcycle, not with how shakey he was.

* * *

 _ **coffee bitch:**_ I'm coming. 

_**coffee bitch:**_ wait for me.

 _ **coffee bitch:**_ please

* * *

_Please be okay._

Barely managing to keep to the speed limit, Remy's fingers clenching on the wheel. Parking haphazardly, his bag thumped painfully against his side. Pulling out his phone as he raced up the stairs to their apartment, he searched for a text from Virgil, any sign that he was okay, that he was alive, even for a moment longer. 

Remy knew all too well how far Virgil could fall.

He'd been there himself, still was, occasionally.

But it was different for Virgil.

Virgil was different.

* * *

 ** _axie-tea:_** i will

 ** _axie-tea:_** i'm sorry

* * *

Running into their apartment, Remy called desperately for his boyfriend. 

"here," said virgil from their room, voice weak and scared.

In moments, Remy was crouched next to his love, his warm brown eyes frantically looking Virgil over. "Are you hurt, coffee bean? Did you take anything? Are you bleeding anywhere? Are you-" Pale hands clamped around Remy's olive ones, holding him steady.

"I'm okay," Virgil said. "I'm just," he glanced away, green eyes glimmering with what might have been tears. "Everything is _wrong._ I can't- I can't do this Remy! I want- I need- it _hurts!_ " 

He looked small, shoulders shaking as he leaned into Remy, who wrapped his arms tightly around the other man. "i'll never be a real man. i'll always be small, and soft-skinned, and high-voiced, and it _hurts_ so much and _why am i like this?_ " he sniffled into Remy's shirt. "why can't i just be normal?"

Remy rubbed his back, slowly, softly. "No such thing as normal," he said quietly. "And even if there was, what's to say it's not better to avoid it?"

Tear-stained laughter. Purple hair dragged itself across Virgil's face as he wiped it away from his eyes. "I want to _die,_ Remy. I think that's enough to say."

The words had come fast, free, true. They stunned them both into silence until Virgil repeated them, voice soft, so soft. "I want to die, Remy. I want to die."

The two men embraced each other and cried.

"We'll find you a therapist."

"Rem, you and I both know we can't afford that. We can barely afford this one-bedroom apartment!"

"We'll find a way to make it work. I can't keep watching you kill yourself, Virgil. I can't keep doing this. _You_ can't keep doing this."

"I- I know. I'm sorry. I-"

"No, coffee bean. It's not your fault. You can't change your body, you can't change your brain. We both know you would if you could." 

They both laughed at that. It was wet, and morbid, and desperate, but it was enough.

"You remember my brother, right? Emile. He's a therapist. I'm sure he'd help you."

"Wouldn't that be kinda unproffessional? And like, that wouldn't change the fact that we're broke."

"Ehhh, only problems if it's official."

"Remy!"

"What? It wouldn't be as good as actual therapy, to be sure, but he's a friend who can help, and in exchange we'll just give him something other than money. Something that _won't_ get him kicked off his disability."

"Oh goddess, how is he managing that anyway?"

"I'm not sure, honestly."

"I guess,,, I guess we could give it a go. Even just like, as a friend. Future-brother-in-law."

" _Future-brother-in-law?_ Does this mean what I think it means?"

"Yeah, I suppose it does. If we live long enough to afford it, then,,, yeah."

"Hell yeah we will! Come on Coffee Bean, I got something special I want you to try."

"Sounds wonderful, Rem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm in love with this ship now, thank you for bringing it up


End file.
